Love Machine

By November 17, 2015 Blog No Comments

Have you ever been washing at the Laundromat, in line at Woollies or sitting on the Number 11 tram  down Brunswick Street and caught the eye of perhaps the most gorgeous person you have ever seen?  Who is this angel and how can I tell them I am in love with them without looking like a complete lunatic?  Sorry, there is no way to do this without vibing a little ‘fatal attraction’ but cool those lust engines and take a deep breath because it does and has happened!  Many times in fact…..

Over the years at the laundry there have been some heroic Don Juan like courting triumphs and abysmal “Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them” Austin Powers catastrophes. One thing I can tell you though, is that the most unexpected conversations and pairings actually blossom from the most simple of chats. Perhaps it’s something about the atmosphere (exciting as a twin directional agitation can be) I think sometimes people are just keen for some nice friendly conversation whilst chilling and passing the time watching their underwear spin in circles.

I quietly witnessed an unexpected example of this a few months ago. It was a Thursday evening, about half a dozen people washing away. A very pretty girl, let’s call her “Ygritte” was busy using one of the Top Loader machines, sitting on the table, playing with her phone.   In walks young “Jon” takes one look at Ygritte’s fiery almost red hair (a.k.a Swartzkopf home kit) and almost drops his load, of washing, to the ground. So, about 15 free washing machines in the Laundrette and Jon decides the one next to Ygritte is the one that’s gonna do the job for him (nice and subtle Jon). By this point Jon is thinking all the normal thoughts that young men think of when seeing a very attractive woman; fun dates, laughing over ice-cream, champagne picnics in the park…


Ygritte has clearly picked up on Jon noticing her and is not quite sure what to make of it… I mean he is a fairly attractive guy and all, but totally not her type so she continues to scroll her Tinder profile before loading her washed clothes into the dryers with a couple of $1 coins. Things are not looking good for Jon as he realises that the love of his life might forever leave his sight in 24 minutes. The dilemma; go a very clever line or just say hi? Being just a little smarter-than-the-average bear, Jon gives Ygritte his cheekiest smile and says “hey, how are ya!” to which the reply was “I’m good, how are you?”….. long story short, 40 minutes later, chatting about music, tattoos, why Jon can’t get the stains out of his shirts and “my friend who ate at Smith & Daughters and loved it!” Jon saw that Ygritte was about ready to go and musters up the courage to blurt out a “Soo, can I get your digits and take you out sometime?” Yes… he really did use the words digits Slap headbut the force was strong with young Jon because Ygritte was unexpectedly swooned and she gave him what I hoped at the time was her actual number….. Since then I have seen Jon and Ygritte in the laundry washing their clothes together about 3-4 times, love was a blossoming and well on their way to warm cuddles by the fire, which was a good thing cause winter was coming.

This is not an isolated story and with so many singles; old, young, gay, straight & other, the opportunities are there to just come down for some washing and maybe say hello. Who knows you might make a friend, get a date or just walk away with a smile having had a great chat with a stranger….. just remember to respect those that are not keen on being disturbed who normally plug in headphones or are buried into a good book or someone making well sure their wedding/engagement ring is showing.


Happy washing!

My Beautiful Laundrette, Fitzroy

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